Post-publishing Depression

Yes, you read that correctly, and I'm going through it right now. It's a very real thing . . . for me, anyway. My next stop is Goodreads where I'll find out if any of my author friends experience the same thing.

Did you ever plan a really extravagant vacation? If you have, you'll know what I'm talking about here. You plan for months, maybe even years. You do the research, pick the best locations, look into flights, hotels, or tours (okay, for me it's cruises). You suck your family into the planning and everyone gets so excited you can hardly stand to be around each other without talking about it.
You with me?
Then you take the vacation and it's great. All seven days of it. Then it's done and you come home and you sit down and say, "What now?"
You unpack and mope around the house for a while. You do a little laundry and then maybe upload your pictures on the computer, longing for that wonderful feeling you had the last few days leading up to the vacation.

Now insert BOOK in place of VACATION. We plan for months (maybe even years). We do all the research,pick the best setting and look into details we're unsure of. We suck our families into the planning, asking them to help come up with character names, places, or situations. We get so excited that we can hardly stand to talk about anything else during the months of writing and subsequent editing. Then we publish it and it goes into the Abyss along with the millions of other books available out there.
So, we pack up our notes, binders and drafts and put them into a box that gets tucked away somewhere in the office closet. Then we repeatedly admire the pretty cover picture that is now next to the description of our book that is live on Amazon.
Then we mope around the house for a while, contemplating doing all the things we neglected to do during the writing and editing process. Cleaning out the fridge, dusting the baseboards, making sure the kids are well fed . . stuff like that.

But, ultimately, just as I always start planning my next vacation the day I step off the plane/ship/beach, I end up picking up that brand new binder I've been holding onto. I fill it with divider tabs, fresh paper and sticky notes, because as a writer, there is only one thing I know that will cure my post-publishing depression . . .

Writing another book.

Writing a book vs. birthing a baby

I wrote this the day I finished my Abstract Love manuscript.

I used to think that writing the first sentence of a book was that moment that one would remember forever. But since I've become a writer myself, I now know that it's the last sentence that ranks right up there, just below the day I got married and the birth of my children. Because that is what completing a book feels like, the birth of a child (on a smaller scale, of course, and usually weighing in at less than a pound). 
That last sentence is what you think about, dream about and obsess over for months and months. It is what drives you to write, what fuels your thoughts and what embodies your dreams. It is such a high. But at the same time, it's bittersweet because now I know the ending. 
At 3:30 today, I wrote the last sentence of my second novel. Fueled by the emotions of a near-tragedy in my own family today, I believe I was able to put those feelings back into my writing and hopefully, I came up with an ending that will make my readers feel that wonderful connection to the characters that writers hope they can convey. I've decided that I could care less if I sell books, I love writing and will continue to do it until someone takes the pen (or keyboard and mouse) out of my cold, dead hands.

     

Me with my youngest baby.

Laughing all the way to the bank (not really - it was an EFT)

I'm a paid author! 

It only took several months because of the way Amazon pays their royalties, but it's finally here! Okay, so maybe it's just enough to cover my initial publishing expenses like cover art, ink and reams (and reams and reams) of paper -- yes even in this digital age I still have to print out everything I write.

All this time Amazon told me my first check was going to be a paper check and I had it in my head that I was going to frame the damn thing. I didn't even care that I wouldn't get to deposit the money in my account, I wanted to keep that first check forever and ever. Put it in my scrapbook along with the first reviews of my book. But, then they went and changed the rules on me and put it through as an Electronic Funds Transfer directly into my account.

What?!? 

Do they not understand what a monumental occasion this is? I mean, holding my first royalty check in my hand would be akin to holding my first copy of my first published paperback. I may have even hugged the UPS guy who brought me that first box of books. I was fully prepared to give the same attention to my mail lady. But, noooooo.

I've been writing my novels for a little less than a year and I've now published two of them. Every day I see the sales go up and down and up and down and I obsessively track my rankings, my reviews and my competition . . . all while making the daily walk out to my mailbox to see if I have received that highly-anticipated window envelope that we all now recognize as payola.

Sigh! 

I now realize that moment will never happen. I just wish Amazon would have prepared me for it. Maybe set up a twelve-step program or something.

I've been Hooverized

Many people ask me why I started writing. What's my inspiration.

To be totally honest, it was more a New Year's Resolution than anything. Actually, it was the result of my resolution to make a bucket list. Now, I know I'm still young -- 45 is the new 29, right? So maybe I'm jumping the gun on my bucket list, but being a stay-at-home mom for the past twelve years had me feeling pretty unimportant in the overall scheme of things (okay, SAHMs - don't pulverize me, I know we have the most important job in the world, it just doesn't feel that way most days.)

So, when I started writing -- because if something is #1 on your bucket list, you must do it -- I found myself writing what I call 'Hooverisms.' God, I love to make up words!

My favorite author, my inspiration,  the woman who I want to be my mother in my next life (sorry, Mom), is Colleen Hoover. I can't say enough about her. I even Googled her once (okay, more than once if I'm being completely transparent) and saw a blurb about how she started writing and it felt like I was reading a bio about myself. She could have been me. I could have been her.

Then, right around the time I was publishing my first novel, I read her book, Maybe Someday.
Holy crap!
It knocked the wind right out of me. I loved it. If there is a stronger word than love - that's how much it touched me. I had outlined my second novel, but it was missing something, I just didn't know what until I read her book. Those of you who've read my book, Abstract Love, may pick up on a few similarities (Hooverisms!)
The way her characters spoke was so honest, so open, so real. I changed my entire book to add the one element that gave my characters a better voice than spoken words.

So, even though she will never read this, thanks, Colleen Hoover, for being my inspiration. I can only hope that, maybe someday, I will be someone else's . . .

Oh, wait, maybe I already am! My twelve-year-old daughter is already 20,000 words into her first novel.

So.
Damn.
Proud.

Incredible fans

Most people take some precious hours or days out of their busy schedules to read at one time or another in their lives. The majority of these readers simply put the book on their bookshelf, or file it away on their Kindle, and move on to the next book, barely giving the last one a second thought.

The lion share of readers do not review books. As an Indie author, I have vowed to review (or at least rate) every book I read, because I now know what goes in to creating and publishing a novel. It's a lot of blood, sweat, tears . . . and complaining from my kids.

So, when a reader takes the time to do this . . .

. . . it just melts my heart and gives me the motivation to continue writing.

A reader from Australia made this collage about my book, Abstract Love. I cannot tell you how dead-on she depicted my novel. It must have taken her a long time to find images that together, tell the story of Jace and Keri.  I couldn't have made a better collage myself.

To know that she spent so much time out of her day to do this, is just about the best feeling I've ever had a as new writer.

So, people . . . take the time to speak out about things that touch your life. Don't expect that others are doing it. Make someone's day the way this reader made mine.

Emotions

As a writer, I'm not sure what I like better, making people laugh or cry with just my written words.

What I can tell you is that it is one hell of a feeling when I'm writing and I find myself crying (or laughing). I mean, I'm the one writing the stuff. I know it's fiction, I know it's made up. Maybe it's because I'm so invested in my characters. I'm so far in their heads that I BECOME them. They are an extension of me, so when they show emotion, I show emotion.

My hope is that I can accurately convey that emotion so you, my readers, feel it, too.

One of the greatest compliments I can get is when someone tells me they laughed out loud or shed tears while reading my book. Yup, that's when I think . . . Mission Accomplished!